At the age of 38 I found a lump on my right breast. Doctors monitored it with mammograms and ultra sounds every 3-6 months for the next 13 months. As the lump grew doctors recommended a biopsy. I can’t even begin to explain the rush of feelings and thoughts that flooded my tears. 

I thought about my kids. How would my husband do this? Would my kids remember everything I taught them? My kids and husband need me. I’m not ready to leave my family. As I’m crying with all these thoughts The lord reminded me that they all needed him more than me. 

6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.  Proverbs 3 5-7

Talking to my kids about this of course brought lots of questions and tears. Here was my chance to show them strength I’m finding only through The Lord.  To tell them how they can pray for me and show them who I was placing my deepest dependence on. I let them know it was ok to cry and even be scared but turning all those feelings into prayer is what we were going to do. This is the moment I understood what it really felt like to TRUST The Lord with all my heart. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3.5

The weeks before the biopsy I wanted to make sure I had a clear conscience toward everyone. I wanted no unforgivness on my heart. Wanted to say everything I needed to say to everyone. Tell everyone I loved them. Wow! I remember saying to myself I’ve done everything I can do! Boy was I WRONG! 

I remember how much I really THOUGHT I had forgiven someone that without a doubt hurt me, didn’t show me any type of love, didn’t welcome me into their life etc.. Then one day I’m in the same room with her and all I wanted to do was leave. Nope! Gods plan was WAY better than mine! 

Forgiving is loving and loving with a sincere heart can only happen through the Lord. If I can be in the same room without rehashing blah blah blah and honestly have compassion, love and overlook what’s being thrown my way then I’ve forgiven. Looking past hurtful words and actions isn’t being “FAKE”. Understanding that the most unloveable person needs the same love, compassion and forgiveness that you need Is what the Lord calls us to do.

 I was in a prison of unforgivness and didn’t even know it! I’ve never forgotten this day and neither will my kids because of course I also admitted my wrong to them and prayed that they’d learn from my mistakes. Through this circumstance I learned a valuable lesson! Gods plans are ALWAYS better than mine and when I think I’ve done all I can to I need to go back and look at MYSELF and my own actions again! Thank you lord💜

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Luke10.27

Test results are in and I’m sitting in this room all by myself waiting and waiting. Finally the surgeon comes in and says you can breath now, it’s not cancer! I remember breaking down in tears and thanking God. The surgeon told me I wouldn’t need another mammogram until next year and to continue self examinations. Being squeezed between 2 plastic plates and having 2 nurses telling you not to breath or move while I was standing in the most awkward and somewhat painful position and then looking at the images trying to figure out what was what were moments I wouldn’t miss at all. 

So almost 2 years later here I am again. A painful mass on the same side I had the 1st biopsy was confirmed to be an area of “interest” today. I have a mammogram and ultra sound scheduled for this Friday. This time Im not asking WHY LORD I’m asking What’s in this for me to learn? I turned A million worried thoughts into to prayer and I turned it all over to the Lord. No matter how far I think I’ve come with my relationship with the Lord I know I’ll never stop learning. I’ll never be as humble as I think I am. I’m a sinner saved by grace. 

The most loving display of love you could show someone is praying for them. Please keep my family and I in prayer. Enjoy your days, smile more, laugh until stomach can’t take it anymore and above all LOVE the Lord with ALL your heart❤️

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.   7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 whatever you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4 6-9

MAHAL KITA💜

I love my Roadrunner