A few days ago I was sitting in the airport waiting for my connecting flight to New York where my hubby would be waiting for me💜 As soon as my flight was called to start boarding my impatient hubby calls “Did you leave yet? Where are you? HELLO?” I’m laughing thinking how much I love that he’s impatiently waiting for me. I tell him I’ll be there in 32 minutes and you better not be late hehe. 

A few minutes later my other line rings “Hi this is Debbie from Women’s breast imaging, is this Vicki?” My heart dropped. I’ve been waiting for this call for a few weeks. 

She continues to say “Based off your previous mammo, ultra sounds and symptoms we are scheduling you for a needle biopsy October 1st, do you have any questions?”

My heart drops even further. I have questions, yes I have lots of questions. I’m not receiving news that I have cancer but this is all I can hear. Lord clear my thoughts

Is it the same area? How big is it? How long will it take for results? Had it grown? Why the needle biopsy? What’s the difference? 

My hubby is on the other line still, I hear the last call for my boarding group and I’m now crying. Oh lord why did I have to answer this call? 

I tell the nurse I’ll have to call her back. I click over tell my babe I’m boarding now, gotta go. But he knows I’m crying. So I tell him quickly that I’ll text him on the plane when I get wifi. I hang up and I seriously can not control my tears. People are staring at me. I start fanning my face like it’s making a difference and make my way to my seat. 

I sit in my window seat which I usually love but this time was different. I’ve never had a panic attack before but I am almost positive I had one the moment this guy sat next to me. He placed his food on my lap like it was the thing to do so he could buckle up. He’s sitting on my hair as he’s squirming around in his chair. I’m pulling my hair at the same time then I take a stong wiff of, wow he farted. Did he really just do that? All I could think was I need to get off this plane! 

The seat in front of me is so close the guys arm might as well be resting on my Chest and dang it! Get off of my hair! Waaah!😭 I stood up then I sat down. Stood up again then I said to myself. Stop being dramatic and pray. 

“Lord your word say by your stripes we are healed. I won’t ask why. Right now I just want peace in my heart. I don’t know the outcome but I’m trusting that you hear my prayer for myself and for my family.” 

Then for some reason a song pops into my head. ITS MY BIRTHDAY AND I’LL CRY IF I WANT TO, CRY IF I WANT TO🎶 ugh. What’s wrong with me lol😭

Now that you’ve had a glimpse of some of my crazy emotions I’d like to let you know that after praying I let my tears flow to myself and continued to pray. I got my hair back and ACCIDENTALLY whipped the farting guy in the face as I was throwing my hair up in a bun😜 I finished singing that stupid birthday song that was stuck in my head haha then I decided to open up a notebook my daughter gave me for my birthday. 

I was so happy to find that all my kids wrote me a little note. Well, my boys wrote a little note and my daughter wrote a short novel😍 One part really started up the waterworks again. Sienna said “Mommy, I know you think started off in a bad way raising us kids, made mistakes but you didn’t mess up like you think you did. We love you, everyone loves you and we know how hard it is and how hard you work and pray for us” 
Tears😭😭😭 All of their notes touched my heart, especially my youngest telling me that I was AWESOME lol. Isaiah telling me he loves me and thank you for everything, Elijah said love you mom happy 45th Bithday! 45? Ok son! Lol 

Okay I’m calm, cool and collected by this point! Thank you lord. Thank you kids and thank you husband for flying me out. This was perfect timing and not our plan. Thank you lord. 

My husband and I have never been closer and had so much fun with each other as we have this past week.  Even though he only had a few days off he made the most out of them. He should have been resting instead he had me onvhis mind. He gave me a few first time moments out in the BIG CITY that I’ll never forget,  he really planned our time and our OUTFITS well😘 I’m  so thankful for this man. I’m missing my kids  lots but I’m really enjoying this much needed time with my trucker.

So now what? it’s life not as usual. No wasting time on petty issues. No arguing over little stuff that won’t matter. No more of the no more. I feel different. Everything just feels different and that makes me happy. I don’t want to be stuck the same person year after year. I want to be a better woman, wife, mommy and friend. This change is a good thing and a prayer answered. All I can say is THANK YOU LORD🙏🏽 and maybe this the answer to my question. What’s in this for me?

No matter what happens. Every circumstance that has brought my family to this point has been worth it. God’s plan is and always will better than the best💯

Love you family and friends til no end. I can’t say it enough💜 Love your other half. Don’t put off for tomorrow what  you can do today! Stop focusing on others and look at your own heart. And oh yeah, just get over it. It won’t matter in the end. Whatever  you’re dwelling on,  It really won’t matter. 

I love my trucker!